you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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