He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
