I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
