so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
