Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
3pm strippers are depressing
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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