Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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