pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
