Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
