there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
