evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
