im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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