For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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