I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
