he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
