I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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