My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He has the fingertips of a God
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