i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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