Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
