need another drink. this is the easiest way
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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