Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
