been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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