it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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