Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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