I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
