And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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