weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
