awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i out mim tonsoeep
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
