and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
