my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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