to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Boobs speak an international language.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
