youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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