he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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