I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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