I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Do vagina's smell?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
