the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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