I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
