"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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