For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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