i need an iv and a liver transplant
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
