I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
