We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
