there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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