Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
