it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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