Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
