Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
