im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
