YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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