Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
