how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
and you fell through a lawn chair
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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