Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
