I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
