I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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