direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
