It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
